


Blue & Purple

by Actual_trash_xx



Series: What happens when facades break? [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Implied Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Implied Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Iwa-chan is the mum friend™, Kyoutani is a bean, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Watari is an angel confirmed, Yahaba needs a break, Yahaba-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2018-12-05 13:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 11,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11578932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actual_trash_xx/pseuds/Actual_trash_xx
Summary: Where Yahaba has a horrible father, Oikawa would commit murder for his kouhai, Iwaizumi is the mum friend™ and Kyoutani is a bean AND has an amazing family...





	1. Bruised

Yahaba was 7 when he knew he was different, 8 when that left him blue and purple, 13 when he first starts to avoid going home.

Homes are supposed to be a safe place where children should feel loved and cherished. Parents should protect their children. 

But sometimes homes aren't safe and parents are the ones children need protected against.

 

It was at age 7 when he discovered that he fancied boys, 8 when he learnt what homophobia is, 13 when he discovers that the streets are safer then a roof over his head.

 

He was content with keeping his secrets to himself, it's easier to keep a tube of concealer on him then to answer why he was practically covered from head to toe in varying shades of purple, green and blue. Concealer can only go so far, it can't hide the swelling of a fresh black eye or the bloodshot eyes from a full night of crying. Getting to practice before everyone seemed like a good idea except for the fact Oikawa always gets there at least half an hour earlier than everyone to set up the gym with Iwaizumi but he'd much rather talk to them before everyone gets there and starts asking him every question under the sun and completely overwhelming him.

Once he got to the club room he noticed the door was unlocked but no one was in there he was grateful for the few minutes of peace. He got changed in silence, after that he decided to see the damage to his face. Oikawa with his amazing timing decided that it was a good idea to walk into the club room at the same time Yahaba was trying not to scream.

"But Iwa-chan I need it!.... Yahaba?" Oikawa asks, confused as to why his precious kouhai is currently crying in the corner of the clubroom.

"Oi Trashykawa your mother gives you enough money buy your own" Iwaizumi exclaims (he may or may not be done Oikawa's shit).

"....Hi Oikawa San, Iwaizumi San" Yahaba says while looking up through glassy eyes with tear stained cheeks.

"Are you okay? What happened to your eye?" asked Iwaizumi (sounding more like a mother then his actually mother).

"I went home, that's what happens when your dad is homophobic and your mother is never there" Yahaba croaked.

"Yahaba that's abuse, you really should report it" Oikawa stated (Yahaba wanted to scream "I know" but the words wouldn't form).

"I know, but my mum is never home. I don't want to live on the street" Yahaba admitted as the floodgates opened.

"Don't worry we wont make you do anything you don't want to, but just know that Oikawa and I will help you anyway that we can" Iwaizumi promised.

"But what is so wrong with me that my own father doesn't care about me" Yahaba choked out.

"Because some people kick you down just because you're different, I need to finish setting up the gym Oikawa can wait here if you would like" Iwaizumi announced.

As Iwaizumi left the room Yahaba uttered a simple sentence that broke Oikawa's heart

"I came out at age 8, no wonder I'm good at concealer"

"You mean to tell me that this has been going on for 8 years" gasped Oikawa.

"It was not that bad when I was 8 it started getting worse when I joined this school, he has probably figured that it was never just a phase, to him I am a disgrace" murmured Yahaba.

"No you are a human being you cannot choose who you love, your father is backwards." Oikawa consoled Yahaba.

 

 

 

 


	2. Not Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As practice begins people start to notice Yahaba.  
> Yahaba doesn't do very well with people noticing him.
> 
> Trigger warning - panic attacks.

After the heart to heart with Oikawa, practice started not long after, which means a sudden influx of questions from everyone (Yahaba knows everyone means well but it is very overwhelming).

It starts with the usual questions: 'what happened to your eye?', 'are you okay?', after about 5 minutes of continually questions the sound of everyone's voice started to sound all jumbled up and the gym started to look more like a blur then a volleyball court. 

"Can we not bombard Yahaba, it must be uncomfortable to answer everyone" Yahaba thinks that it was Iwaizumi who said this but in his current state he can't be to sure.

It was as if the walls themselves were closing in around Yahaba, his breathing was quickly becoming erratic and he honestly felt as if he was dying at the ripe old age of 16. He felt his heart crashing into his ribs, the blood rushing around in his ears and he felt like a lead weight rather than a teenage boy. The pounding in his ears caused the noise in the gym to sound like the static of an untuned radio.

Thanks to (note the sarcasm) having a panic attack he didn't even release that Watari had lead him from the gym, until he felt the shorter boy rubbing reassuring circles onto his back.

(Watari is an angel, there is no way this all-accepting boy can human).

"Do you want to talk about it?" The not-human-must-be-an-angel asked. A quick shake of the head stopping any prying.

"We should get back to practice" Yahaba said with a small smile ghosting his face. 

* * *

The school day passes at a snails pace, nothing happened except people gave Yahaba a second glance, not that his peers cared about him or the fact that school and volleyball is his only safe haven, the only place his father can't touch him even if he tried.

* * *

If the school day passed at a snails pace than practice passed at the speed of light, it was as if he got changed for practice blinked and is then walking home.

Silently praying, hoping his father would be out or passed out on the couch, whatever, he just hoped that he would be able to get to his room without being noticed by his so called father. He'd long given up on his mother, she leaves for weeks on end leaving her little boy alone at the mercy of his father.

Did she even care? 

Does she know about the bruises that litter his skin?

Does she know anything? 

Is she just burying her head in the sand?

Does she know that her picture is still on the mantle piece?

Is she aware that his father now wheres his wedding band on a chain around his neck instead of his on his finger?

Where is she?

What is she doing?

...Doesn't she know that he needs her?

Once Yahaba reaches his street he is able to breathe out in relief, his fathers car is gone, wherever he is doesn't matter because Yahaba will be able to be alone and safe at least for a few hours. 

At least for a few hours his house can be his home, where he doesn't have to look round corners looking for shadows. Where dark doesn't equal safety blanket (because his father maybe homophobic but he has to wake up at 8 o'clock so he likes to go to sleep by 11 o'clock). Where he doesn't have to feel like a stranger in his own home.

_Where he belongs._

(Does his father know that words do hurt and they hurt far more then his healing bruises?)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to think that Watari and Yahaba are somewhat close.  
> I also don't think I wrote this chapter well (but hey we cant all be good at everything).


	3. But It Does Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -He found that his smile was not the one from his facade, the mask he uses to keep the sympathetic glances away, the mask he uses to seem like the 'rich, cocky, pretty boy' (when in actual fact he is more like the poor, sad and bruised boy but not broken, never broken). No this smile was real, it's there as proof that he is going to be okay.-

With no distraction Yahaba's brain started over thinking at a mile per minute.

What if he did go to the police?

Where would he go?

Would his mother come back?

Would his father hate him even more than he does?

Would he have to stay with Watari?

How long does he have till his father comes back?

Is he already on his way back?

Soon enough his peace became paranoia, and the shadows became monsters. Every sound became a threat, a promise of violence, bruises and scars.

Yahaba decided to go up to his room, where he can lock doors and have some safety in the war zone that is his so called home.

* * *

 When his father did return home the air reeked of cheap alcohol, the putrid smell permeated the air, even through locked windows and doors. At least he will not be bothered this evening (his father doesn't usually drink but when he does he is usually to far under the influence to notice anything other than his next drink.) 

As Yahaba didn't have to worry about his father he decided he would text Watari (He should be up it is only 1 am).

Yahabae- watari 

Yahabae- pls be awake 

Whatari- You okay? 

Yahabae- yea 

Yahabae- but could i stay round yours tomorrow?

Yahabae- i know it's really short notice but i need a break

Whatari- Ofc you can stay round 

Yahabae- tysm 

Whatari- You know you don't need to justify why

Yahabae- are you actually an angel?

Whatari- Haha no I am just human

Whatari- Did you get the english homework?

Yahabae- i haven't even had time to look at it

Whatari- We can go over it tomorrow if you want?

Yahabae- sure

Whatari- See you tomorrow

Yahabae- see you tomorrow

 

For the first time in weeks he could go about his room with a smile on his face. In a sort of happy daze, he put a set of pyjamas in his practice bag, the smile not leaving his face.

* * *

Walking to school the following morning, Yahaba found that he had a spring in his step. A spring in his step he thought he lost the moment he found out who the real monsters are (not the ones under the bed, the ones that turn on their children because they do not fit your cookie cutter plan). He found that his smile was not the one from his facade, the mask he uses to keep the sympathetic glances away, the mask he uses to seem like the 'rich, cocky, pretty boy' (when in actual fact he is more like the poor, sad and bruised boy but not broken, _never broken_ ). No this smile was real, it's there as proof that he is going to be okay.

When he arrived at practice Oikawa saw fit to stop mid-conversation with Iwaizumi (which may or may not have lead to Iwaizumi shouting "Oi Shittykawa are you listening to me?!") and turned to Yahaba with a sad smile as he asked "How are you today Yaha-chan?".

"I'm feeling okay, I'm going round to Watari's to study after school." Yahaba responded truthfully (mainly because Oikawa seemed to be a human lie detector so even if he tried Oikawa would be able to see right through him as if he was a glass window).

"That's good, you know if you ever want to talk, Iwa-chan and I are great listeners." Oikawa offered, the _"we are here for you"_ left unsaid, unneeded. 

"I'm okay, but thanks anyway" Yahaba stated as he was getting ready for practice and waiting for Watari so he could do stretches with him (and gossip _because seriously how are Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san not dating yet!_ ).

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is probable v bad.
> 
> Also Watari and Yahaba are besties lets just accept it. Also would you look at that Yahaba is happy.


	4. It Is Healing.

Yahaba's peace was shattered by the gym door slamming shut. As he turned to see who doesn't understand social etiquette (it is not even 9 o'clock yet, hush), he was meet with a scowl. Why had Kyoutani chosen now of all times to show up to practice?

"Welcome back Mad Dog-chan!" Oikawa addressed with an obnoxious smile. Kyoutani being a man of few words just grunted in response (this may or may not be how he earned his nickname).

"Oi shittykawa stop taunting the Kouhai!" Accused Iwaizumi, Yahaba didn't miss the slight upturn of Kyoutani's lips that could almost be classed as a smile as Oikawa squawked.

(Watari didn't miss the pink tint on Yahaba's neck).

* * *

 After a another dull day and an equally monotonous practice, Yahaba and Watari were walking back to Watari's apartment exchanging gossip they found out during the day (Watari is Seijoh's third biggest shipper after the MatsuHana duo).

"You know Kyoutani was staring at you." Watari stated as matter of fact.

"A lot of people stare at me. That's what happens when your eye is a ' _lovely_ ' shade of purple" Yahaba responded drily.

"Is that why your neck was blushing pink?" Watari asked innocently (he maybe angelic but he is also Yahaba's best friend and can therefor get away with teasing him).

"W..what? Shut up Watari! People may hear you!" Yahaba pleaded wearily, scared that the wrong person may over hear them.

The rest of the walk back was filled with an awkward silence, neither of them knew how to address.

* * *

 Once they got back to the apartment Watari had to get to the bottom of why his friend is scared of people hearing them joke around (not that he doesn't have a clue 1.Yahaba turns up to school with a black eye 2.Doesn't want people overhearing jokes that insinuates that he is gay for Kyoutani.)

"Yahaba, Who gave you the black eye?" Watari questioned (they both know that Yahaba wouldn't get into a fight). Yahaba can't lie to Oikawa because he would see right through him, he can't lie to Watari because that just feels wrong.

"My dad" Yahaba mumbled almost incoherently "It's not the first time either. It's been going on for years. Oikawa says I should go to the police."

"Why would your dad hit you, what sort of parent would do such a thing?" Watari asked (he wont like the answer).

"Because he hates that I don't fit his cookie cutter plan. Being gay threw a wrench at his plan, so he threw a fist at my face." Yahaba responded as the floodgates started to open.

"You said that Oikawa says to go to the police, why haven't you?" Watari inquired.

"He pays the rent, my mother is never home. If he got arrested then I'd have no where to go. Before you say 'well you could stay here' it isn't fair on your mum she doesn't earn much and you live in quite a small apartment it wouldn't be fair to take up space in your home." Yahaba responded, quick to shoot down Watari's next sentence, while he himself choked on his tears.

"I don't think I'll be able to focus on the English homework now, good thing it's due in next week" Yahaba stated offering a small shallow laugh.

"I'm no good at it anyway. English has never been my forte, I am much better at maths and physics" Watari declared.

"At least you are not this close to failing" Yahaba deadpanned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1.8k words in Kyoutani is now part of the story.


	5. It May Take A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is nice. Being able to talk freely is nice. Being able to exist is nice. Being able to be himself is nice. Being accepted as himself is nice. No, not nice that is not a strong enough word, it is possible the best feeling in life.

As cliché as it sounds, after talking to Watari it felt as if a weight had been lifted. Eventually he will have to go back home and face the music but knowing that he has someone to turn to if that all goes wrong makes the thought a lot easier to process  

"Do you think that Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san will get together before the end of the year?" Watari wondered (You can honestly cut the sexual tension with a knife when it comes to those two).

"I hope so. Then again Oikawa-san will most likely become more insufferable in the locker room." Yahaba answered, the second sentence was a joke he truly hopes that Oikawa will get it together soon.

" _Look at Iwa-chan's bara arms! Sorry Kindaichi you'll have to practice spiking with Mad Dog-chan, Iwa-chan is mine today"_ Watari said with a grade A impersonation of their senpai.

"Poor Kindaichi, the poor boy never asked to be in the middle of the young couple" Yahaba responded, reducing Watari to a fit of laughter.

"If anything goes wrong, who'll get custody of the first years?" Watari inquired after recovering from his fit of laughter.

"Iwaizumi-san, he is the team mum after all" Yahaba deadpanned, sending Watari into another fit of hysterics.

This is nice. Being able to talk freely is nice. Being able to exist is nice. Being able to be himself is nice. Being accepted as himself is nice. No, not nice that is not a strong enough word, it is possible the best feeling in life. It's nice being able to rely on someone wholeheartedly without having to worry about saying the wrong thing, or worrying that they will not be there for weeks on end. It is nice that he knows that he doesn't have to bottle up his emotions, that he has people to vent to.

* * *

"So, Yahaba what do you feel about kyoutani returning?" Watari asked curiosity bleeding in to his voice.

"I don't care about him or him returning" Yahaba expressed.

"Are you sure about that? You almost murdered me for talking about him earlier." Watari pointed out

"Well... okay you got me there" Sighed Yahaba.

"So what is it?" Watari questioned.

"Well I don't particular like him, he also hasn't been at practice for nearly an entire year." Yahaba uttered kind of angrily but also kind of sad.

"What do you mean by that?" Watari asked just keeping the conversation going.

"Well he can just waltz up to practice and boom he's part of the team again. He hasn't even had to face the fact that he has not been here for nearly a year. He doesn't need to prove himself.” Yahaba ranted.

"True, he doesn't _need_ to prove himself, but it's not like him to do things halfheartedly" Watari reasoned. Yahaba just hummed in response.

"Plus he will want to prove himself to you because you are going to be captain next year and he wont want you to bench him all year" Watari reckoned.

"Please do not remind me. I still don't understand why Oikawa-san wants me to be his successor" Yahaba piped in.

"Because he can see your potential, and so can everyone else." Watari stated as a matter of fact. 

"I don't see it" Yahaba mumbled more to himself then to Watari.

"Well you need to stop selling yourself short, if you didn't have the skills Oikawa wouldn't be making you captain. Oikawa believes in you. I believe in you. Everyone on the team believes in you." Watari said proving his point.

Yahaba honestly does not know what he would do without Watari and the unwavering support that his best friend offers.


	6. But It Will Not Take Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yahaba recalls coming out to his dad.
> 
>  
> 
> A couple streets across Kyoutani comes out to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yahaba's flashback does include homophobia and the use of a derogatory word to skip it go to "Dad I need to tell you someting" as that is the start of Kyoutani's POV

As the night drew on and Watari fell asleep, Yahaba recalled his _'amazing'_ (note the sarcasm) experience with his so called 'father'.

\------

"Hey Dad is it normal to like boys more then girls?" Yahaba said curiosity lacing his voice (back then he was still naive and innocent to the way the world worked).

"It depends son, it is normal to have more boys as friends." His Dad responded lazily as he flicked through that mornings paper.

"No I mean like like" Yahaba exaperated

"You are to young to know anything, and no that is not normal." He stated quickly filling up with rage.

"But why is it so wrong?" Yahaba challenged (this is where he now knows he should have stopped talking).

"Because it is now go and do your fucking homework!" He shouted, scaring Yahaba.

When he went upstairs, the sound of the front door shutting signalled that his mother was home. The other signal being-

"WE RAISED A FUCKING FAGGOT!" his father all but screamed (he's glad that he was in his room at least his door muffled his father's screams).

"I've just got home can you be quiet? No of course not." his mother responded with silent anger (to this day Yahaba hopes that it was his father being unnecessarily loud and not the fact that he is gay).

"Don't tell me what to do, shouldn't you be putting dinner on?" his father grumbled.

"Please remember who pays the bulk of the bills, without my paycheck you wouldn't have a home. So. Don't. Undermine. Me." he couldn't see his mother but he could tell that she was speaking through clenched teeth.

"Shhh!" Yahaba's father shrieked (he now knows that it was because his precious, fragile masculinity was at stake).

"I've got another business trip coming up soon so you'll have to cook for yourself, Shigeru is too young to cook alone." Yahaba's mother replied with little emotion.

If yahaba could go back and not have came out, he would do it in a heartbeat.

* * *

"Dad I need to tell you something" Kyoutani said slightly above a whisper.

"What is it son?" His father asked warmth and curiosity lacing together.

"I like boys. As in _like like_ them." Kyoutani squeaked (he knows his parents aren't homophobic but that doesn't make him any less nervous).

"That's fine. You know I don't care who you bring home when the time comes, I only want them to treat you with love and respect, and vice versa. I don't care about what's between their legs, that doesn't matter. What does matter is what is between their ears." His father responded as a matter of fact.

"You don't care that I'm gay?" Kyoutani asked, a mixture of shock and happiness.

"I just care that you be yourself and are true to yourself." He said as he walked over to give kyoutani a side hug.

Kyoutani rarely smiles but seen as this occasion calls for it, the corners of his mouth turn upward. As he does so his Mother and sister walk through the front door.

"ONII-SAN!!" His sister squeals as she runs as fast as her 5 year old legs can take her.

"Did you have a good day?" Kyoutani asked as he bent down to pick her up into a big hug.

"Yes! Guess what I saw." She whispered the 'guess what I saw' which made Kyoutani's smile widen.

"What did you see?" He whispered back.

"I saw puppies!" She exclaimed (her innocence and purity makes his heart melt).

"Really? Puppies? I'm so jealous" He exclaimed animatedly, making her laugh.

"How was your day?" She asked beaming up at her big brother.

"Boring until you got home." He said poking her softly, making her squeal.

"But what about school? Do you not have friends?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.

Instead of answering he just started to tickle her making her break out in infectious laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist adding Kyoutani's sister, I also think it adds character to Kyoutani because he doesn't just exist in this fic to be Yahaba's other half.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I would like to hear what you thought about it in the comments.


	7. The Emotional Scars Take Longer to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Physical scars fade much faster then emotional ones.
> 
> Physical scars don't turn into wounds when you remember how you got them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that homophobic slurs are used, and to proceed with caution if that offends you!

The next day at school, Watari thought it would be a great idea to invite Kyoutani to have lunch with them ("Apparently he's good at English and seen as we are awful at it, it would not hurt to get him to help us!" Watari reasoned, Yahaba only grumbled at the thought of having to be civil with his fellow second year student).

* * *

"So, Kyoutani I heard that you're good at English." Watari is valiantly trying to start a conversation (It would probably be easier if him and Kyoutani actually wanted to talk).

Kyoutani only grunted in response, Yahaba was so closed to scoffing but he just wanted to get through lunch and have a mediocre school day and a slightly better afternoon practice.

"Are you good at it or not?" Yahaba asked with his patience wearing thin.

"I suppose" Kyoutani mumbled.

"So can you help us with the homework?" Yahaba asked with a slither of hope.

"I guess" Kyoutani responded with caution.

"Yay! We can go over it at my house if you want?" Watari inquired.

"Sure" Kyoutani agreed with a shadow of a smile gracing his features.

Soon the bell went signalling the end of lunch.

* * *

During practice he was paired with Kyoutani, which he was less then pleased with, thanks to Oikawa.

Much to his surprise they were quite successful, with only 3 of Kyoutani's spikes not making it over the net or in bounds. 7 out of 10 is a great start seen as Kyoutani hadn't been to practice in just under a year and even when he was here he didn't spend much of his time spiking Yahaba's tosses.

That practice session was the first time in forever, where he truly felt like he belonged. Where he doesn't feel the need to prove his skill. Practice was almost enough to get him to ignore his life problems.

Almost.... because the gnawing in his chest never really goes away. Sure, right now it isn't so in his face making him feel nauseous but it's still there making sure that he can't function 100% like a normal human being. Every slam the ball makes on the other side of the court makes him flinch if he doesn't pay attention to where the ball is. Every shout makes him want to cower in the corner, even though he knows that no one on the team would ever harm him. He so sensitive to everything that goes on around him and he hates it he just wants to be normal, to not care about the noise from the cheers they inevitably when they win a match. He hates that the first thing he that comes to mind when he hears shouts is 'please don't bruise' because the hits are second nature at this point. He's not scared about being punched, kicked, pushed or shoved, that's the norm. He's scared of the bruises and the cuts, not because they hurt because Yahaba is numb to it all now but because of the attention and fake sympathy. 

He is downright petrified of disappointing people because that's where his problems started because he disappointed his dad because he wouldn't be able to fit his cookie cutter plan. He can still remember the day when his mother picked him up to drop him home (apparently getting back to work is more important then making sure her son, her baby boy is okay) to find his dad drunk and slurring his words. Yahaba's first mistake was asking "Dad what's for dinner?" because his dad proceeded to call him a 'fucking faggot' and a 'shitty disappointment'. Yahaba will never forget the first time his dad fist collided with his cheek. He'll never forget that happened when he was nine, a child, an innocent child. Too young to understand why so much hate flowed through his so called father's veins, too young to understand hate. He should have been getting scraped knees not bruised cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter is late, school started on Wednesday and I've just started year 10 which means GCSEs are right around the corner! So some chapters maybe uploaded late please bear with it!


	8. But They Will

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyouhaba bond over Macbeth... 
> 
>  
> 
> Need I say more ?

Time quickly crept up on Yahaba and before he knew it he was walking back to Watari's apartment with him and Kyoutani. How is he supposed to act natural around the person who puts him on  edge, when he was going to be in his temporary living space? panic started rising through him like bile, choking him and leaving a bitter taste in his mouth or perhaps it showed in the way his throat felt like it was millimetre from completely closing, making him feel as if he had to fight for every breath.

Not that Watari noticed any sign of distress as he and Kyoutani were having a debate as to whether cats or dogs are better, meaning they were oblivious to Yahaba's current state of mind  (which, if Yahaba was totally honest, he didn't mind because it meant that he could compose himself without making a fool of himself or attracting unnecessary attention).

* * *

They eventually made it to the apartment and Yahaba managed to keep his mental state above the panicked delirium and didn't go into an attack, which to him is an amazing feat. All he had to tackle now was the bane of his existence: English homework. His English grade is that low he has to now worry about the backlash of being deemed a failure on two fronts, while his mother is hardly home he knows for a fact that she has high expectations for him, at least academically, and he doesn't want to disappoint the only parent that seems to have an ounce of respect towards him. The reason he's so bad at English is because he is a theory based learner and English doesn't follow it's own rules.

What probably doesn't help is the fact that they are studying Macbeth, which just so happens to be in old English (if native speakers struggle with it why do they have to learn it?).

"What on Earth is a Thane?" Watari asked with curiosity lacing his voice.

"An old Scottish lord. There is three main Thanes in the play: Thane of Fife aka Macduff, Thane of Glamis and Thane of Cawdor aka Macbeth." Kyoutani replied with an astounding amount of patience.

"I don't understand why the witches are such an important part of the play" Yahaba said in a tone akin to a whine.

"They are responsible for pushing the plot forward by telling Macbeth about his prophecy, which starts his spiral into complete chaos" Kyoutani said in matter of fact way (with the patience of a saint). 

"Ohhhh, I think I am starting to get it!" Yahaba exclaimed with pure elation.

"Haha I am glad you are" Kyoutani stated, with a lazy smile etched on his face (which if you asked Yahaba he would say that they should be illegal).

Watari being Watari was just smirking to himself, thankfully only Yahaba noticed.

"How are you so good at English?" Yahaba asking with pure curiosity (he also may or may not want to get to know his fellow second year better).

"I just find it interesting y'know?" He responded, engaging in the conversation 100%.

"Yeah I get ya" Yahaba and Kyoutani quickly fell into easy conversation. Yahaba found out that Kyoutani has a golden retriever puppy, a little sister, wants to be a vet and that he is a passionate feminist.

"I just want my sister to grow up in a world that accepts that she is a strong independent person and deserves to be treated like such" Kyoutani stated quickly as if he had to justify his opinion.

"Well if she's anywhere near as strong as her big brother, you wont need to worry" Yahaba tried to subtly compliment Kyoutani.

* * *

 

But all good things must come to an end and Kyoutani had to go home as it was starting to get late.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologise in advance that updates may become sporadic as the year goes on, but fear not! i will update whenever i can !


	9. Just Give it Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yahaba and Watari went to the park to avoid doing homework, there they meet Kyoutani's little sister.

Another day passed, as boring as ever, and with it comes more homework. However, seen as they had just spent all day at school, they decided they deserved a little break.

That’s why they found themselves outside the park near Watari’s apartment. It is an old park with a single swing set, slide, roundabout and an old park bench, while that doesn’t sound very appealing anything is better than maths homework (Yahaba would rather live in a bin then do maths homework).

* * *

Already at the park was none other than Kyoutani, Yahaba was the first to notice their fellow second year… who wasn’t alone. Kyoutani was pushing a small child on the single swing set.

He’s almost certain that the small child is Kyoutani’s sister if the identical faces were anything to go by (their identical grins making his heart melt). Watari only just seemed to notice Kyoutani (Yahaba swears that Watari has no sense of his surroundings, well, anywhere but the volleyball court).

“Kyoutani!” Watari basically shouted, leaving Yahaba wondering how he had not gone deaf in the two years they had been friends.

“Yo…” Kyoutani replied, somewhat awkwardly, Yahaba noticed the curious stare the smaller kyoutani was giving him, which quickly turned to confusion when she saw his eye. He tried to offer her a small smile but in all honesty it felt as if the five year old could see right through him.

Upon noticing his sister interest in Yahaba, Kyoutani decided that he should introduce her to them.

“Usa this is Yahaba and Watari, why don’t you introduce yourself?” Kyoutani asked on Usa’s level with a softness very un-Kyoutani (Yahaba swears that Kyoutani is trying to physically melt his heart).

“Hello Yahaba-san, Watari-san. My name is Kyoutani Usagi. Nice to meet you!” Usagi introduced herself with unparalleled positivity (and it was on that day that Yahaba decided that the entire Kyoutani family should in fact be illegal).

“Hi Usagi” He offered with a small smile because it is impossible not to smile at her.

Before he knew it Watari and Usagi were off playing on the swings, leaving Yahaba alone with Kyoutani (still it beats doing homework so he’s not going to complain).

* * *

“Why are you here?” Kyoutani got straight to the point, not being the sort person that enjoys small talk.

“I’d love to say that we’re here on are way back to Watari’s apartment but we are actually avoiding our maths homework at all costs” Yahaba stated as a matter of fact statement.

“I thought you was good at maths” Kyoutani stated with the same confused look as his sister (the resemblance is uncanny Yahaba thought to himself).

“I’m okay at maths but homework is homework… aka hell on Earth” Yahaba deadpanned with a faux serious expression gracing his face, which earned him a full blown laugh from Kyoutani.

“Yeah that’s true, I find that if you really enjoy the subject it’s not that bad” Kyoutani noted with Yahaba just smiling and nodding along.

“So, why are you and Usagi here?” Yahaba asked with pure curiosity.

“Mum and Dad are at work, so I promised them I would look after Usa for a couple of hours and she really wanted to play at the park” Kyoutani explained (of course he would be the amazing big brother type).

“What do they do?” Yahaba shamelessly wants to know more.

“Mum’s a doctor and Dad’s a lawyer” Kyoutani stated as a matter of fact.

“That’s cool, my Mum’s a business woman and my Dad has a poor paying office job” Yahaba added.

* * *

And that’s how most of the evening went for Yahaba (and he may or may not have ended up as a blushing mess).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants fluff (this fic is lacking in that department) i wrote a oneshot called Tale as Old as Time~ which is pure fluff.


	10. Memories and Their Bruises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say actions speak louder then words.
> 
> TW- implied domestic violence, child abuse and derogatory slurs

Days passed and Yahaba came to the quick realisation that he would need to go home soon (more like go back to the place where he resides, to where his mail is sent). The realisation came in the form in the text from his mother, a simple 'Where are you?', giving him a glimmer of hope that he maybe able to salvage a relationship with at least one of his parents. 

That doesn't mean that the thought of going home doesn't scare the living daylights out of him, while he has a few good memories there, he has so many bad memories; the first time his dad hit him, the first time his dad got drunk and kicked him down the stairs, the first time his mum went on a business trip leaving him to the mercy of his father, all the times he has had to wake up early to apply concealer, the moment he looked in a mirror and saw that there was a shadow of his past self staring back at him, and that's only mentioning a few of the thousands of bad memories he has.

* * *

After about 6 hours of weighing up his pros and cons he decided that it was about time that he saw how much of train wreck his father is (worst comes to worst he could always grab some more clothes and live at Watari's). 

The walk 'home' was filled with the sound of blood rushing around his head accompanied by his foot steps as his mind raced, one question lingering: did his so called father notice that he wasn't home? Or was he to drunk to realise his son had been gone almost a week?

* * *

The monotonous walk eventually came to an end and as he opened the door his senses was hit with a myriad of cheap alcoholic beverages. With bottles practically lining the walls and floors he decided it was best to wear his shoes while walking around lest he step on inevitable glass shards.

"Oh look who *hic* has decided to grace us with his presence" His father ridiculed while downing another bottle of cider. It was then when he saw his mother, so tired and Yahaba certainly didn't miss the horribly applied concealer on her left cheek, making him feel a whirlwind of hate and anger he didn't even know he was capable of. Her dull eyes lit up at the sight of Yahaba and she quickly enveloped him in a hug as if he was still her little boy, Yahaba hugged her back as tight as humanly possible as if it was the last hug he was ever going to get.

"No wonder he's a homo bastard" His Father slurred from the couch "It's all your fault, mollycoddling him his whole life!"

"Do you even hear yourself? You make it sound as if loving my child, my son, is a crime" His mother raised her voice as she somehow managed to hold Yahaba closer to her "You didn't even notice him not being home, how the hell am I supposed to work and provide for the three of us if I can't even trust you to care for OUR son?".

"I'm sorry that you don't accept me for who I am, I'm sorry that you don't love me" Yahaba replied quieter then a mouse.

"Yahaba, how did you get that black eye?" His mother asked cradling his chin.

They say actions speak louder then words. The look in his father's direction spoke clearly enough to his mother as she just hugged him tighter and kissed his forehead. She soon let go of him and walked over to her so called husband with purpose.

"What sick fuck lays a hand on their own child?" She said clearly with disdain evident in her voice.

"I told ya already he's a faggot" He said with a drunken deadpan

"He is your child, not a punch bag!" She said speaking through her teeth. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the chapter being late, homework is sadly a thing.
> 
> BUT yay chapter 10!!


	11. The Myriad of Colour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first half is Kyoutani's POV  
> The second half is Yahaba's POV

He first noticed when they were getting changed for practice, Yahaba rarely changed facing the corner.

The second time was at practice, where they littered his arms and legs.

But things weren't adding up; they couldn't be from shoddy receives because, while he isn't the best receiver on the team his skills aren't anything to laugh at, and Yahaba just doesn't get into fights, well physical ones, he has no problems being a sassy shit.

So how did he end up looking like he's either fell down 15 flights of stairs or had a run in with a local gang?

* * *

Kyoutani didn't think much of it at first, perhaps Yahaba is just really clumsy? 

However that changed pretty quickly a week or so later when he walked through the club room door and started getting changed when Watari threw something at Yahaba, to which he responded to by putting his hands up to block his face; a normal human instinct, what he did not expect to see was two bruises lined up perfectly.

It doesn't take a genius to put 2 and 2 together: Yahaba obviously didn't get the bruises on accident, someone has obviously beaten him up, and by the different colours someone has beaten him up on multiple occasions.

* * *

He knows that Yahaba most likely doesn't want to talk about it but he is seriously worried about him, who manages to get so many bruises in such a short space of time?

"Hey! Kyoutani my pal, are you up for helping us with our English homework?" Watari asked with a very evident plead.

"Sure, my house? Usa misses you." He responded plain and simple (a very Kyoutani response).

"That sounds good" Yahaba mumbled in response (he sounds so small, so vulnerable).

If Kyoutani ever finds out who turned the confident setter into a mumbling, vulnerable shell, they may not live to apologise.

\--------------------------------------------

"I'm so sorry Shigeru, I have a business trip I have to go on..." His mother has started apologising that her work takes her away from him.

"No, I understand" He also understands that he'll be getting a few more bruises to add to his growing collection, he also understands that he's going to have to avoid home more now if he doesn't want bruises to turn into broken bones.

"I feel like the worst mother ever" she stated, obviously very stressed.

"You've never laid a finger on me, it's not your fault your work demands that you go everywhere and hey, without your job we probably wouldn't have a house" He consoled.

"But I should have noticed, should have done something, should have stopped it before it happened"

"It is not your fault dad is a homophobic piece of shit"

* * *

 A week later, his intoxicated father took a swing at him with a bat, and if it wasn't for him being severely under the influence he would have ended up with two broken arms. Turning his unsafe home more into a battle field, that or a tip, with the slew of bottles and cans.

He released that being home is risking his life, if his father wanted him dead, it wouldn't be hard.

It's one thing being a disappointment, it's another thing being hated so much to the point where you're scared for your life.

Which lead to him packing nearly half of his clothes into his bag and swiftly making his way to Watari's apartment at 10 o'clock at night.

* * *

The walk was filled with questions of "what if's" and "why's":

"What if I was normal?"

"Why did I have to be gay?"

"Why doesn't dad accept me?"

"What if dad wasn't homophobic?"

"Why does he have to be so toxic?"

"Why does he hate me so much?"

"Why does he want me to suffer?"

 


	12. Adrenaline Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess i apologise

The fight or flight response exists to protect the body from any threats that may harm it, that's why Yahaba is currently standing outside Watari's apartment with aching arms and eyes burning as tears threaten to spill over.

With fresh bruises on his arms, knocking on the door felt more like banging on the door and waiting for Watari felt less like seconds and more like days. When he did open the door it didn't take him long to see the red, angry bruises on Yahaba's arm

As Watari enveloped Yahaba in a hug the floodgates opened, all the pent up feelings, fear, anger, confusion, sadness, escaped through the tears.

"I'm scared Watari" He sobbed onto his friend's shoulder.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay" Watari comforted Yahaba though pats and back rubs.

"He... he hit me... me with a... a base... baseball bat" He managed to choke out

"Is that where you got those bruises on your arm?" Watari inquired as he held Yahaba close (that son-of-a-bitch can burn in hell watari thought to himself).

To tired to respond, Yahaba just nodded. The rest of the night consisted of Disney movies and popcorn.

* * *

 Adrenaline highs usually result in adrenaline crashes, leading to a numb-like state where it's near impossible to feel anything - at least that's what it's like for Yahaba. He constantly thanks god for Watari being able to help him catch up with life after the numbness goes away.

* * *

School was a blur, he would say that nothing of interest happened but he honestly can't recall anything from school and all he remembers is that him and Watari are going over to Kyoutani's house to do English homework. It doesn't matter how many times he has an adrenaline crash it doesn't change the fact that it's scary to feel nothing, to feel trapped by your conscience, to have teachers question you about why you are day 'dreaming' when all you want to do is scream "You have no idea what you are on about, what dream? I'm living a nightmare", to only be able to feel the bat hit his arms long after it happened, alcohol isn't allowed on the premises but that doesn't stop Yahaba from being able to smell it.

The bell rung, and school was over, meaning Yahaba now has to play catch up because there was no way he would have been able to complete his work when he could barely focus on the page in front of him. At least he's not going to end up failing English (yay!).

* * *

The walk was filled with a comfortable silence as Kyoutani led the way to his house, leaving Yahaba to feel as if he truly has a support network (he knew he wasn't alone but now it truly feels as if he's got people in his corner: his mum, Watari, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, the meme team and even Kyoutani). 

* * *

 When they arrived at Kyoutani's house all Yahaba could hear was Kyoutani's dog but it wasn't an aggressive bark it was more of a confused, curious bark.

"Don't mind Hana, she won't bite" Kyoutani stated as he unlocked the door.

Hana is a golden retriever puppy, a couple months old and the cutest thing in the Miyagi prefecture.

When they started their homework, an essay on how Macbeth is presented in act 1, Hana fell asleep on his lap.

"ONII-SAN, WATARI-NII-SAN, YAHABA-NII-SAN" Usa screeched and attached herself to Yahaba's side.

"Aww so cute" Watari cooed as Yahaba's mobility seized as the five year old gripped harder. 

Not that Yahaba minded having a dog laying on him and a five year glued to his side.

(He didn't finish his homework in the end).


	13. Not Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was there, still comforting Yahaba. He was there, like a lifeline. 
> 
> (He was there but he shouldn't have needed to be).

A few hours later after Usagi went to sleep in her actual bed (because being 5 is tiring work duh...), the three of them discussed life in general, with the homework abandoned.

For the first time in forever he felt comfortable enough to tell Kyoutani what's been going on in his life since age 8; he left no detail out, not even the one where he slept on that park bench that one time because he just wanted to sleep without having to worry that his dad could walk through the door at any moment, nor the time where he pushed his chest of drawers in front of the door at age 13 so he could have a good night's sleep in his own house. 

Kyoutani didn't say anything while he spoke, nor did he speak for a good five minutes after he stopped speaking, but he did hug him in an almost bone crushing hug (Watari had conveniently left to walk the dog).  

"I'm sorry" Kyoutani said quietly, borderline whispering.

"You're not my dad" Yahaba said as tears threatened to once again spill from his eyes.

"I know that, I'm sorry that you have to have a father like that" He said as he somehow managed to hug Yahaba closer.

With that the dams broke, the floodgates opened, and Kyoutani was there. He was there, still comforting Yahaba. He was there, like a lifeline. 

(He was there but he shouldn't have needed to be).

"You don't need to go back" Kyoutani declared

"I live there, all my stuff is there, my whole life is in the four walls of my room" Yahaba murmured.

"It's not safe for you to be there when it's just you and... and that fucking piece of shit." Kyoutani was trying his very best to get through to Yahaba.

"But where would I stay? Watari shares a tiny apartment with his mum and you live in a family home suited for 4." Yahaba mumbled into Kyoutani's now tear stained sweater.

"Trust me we could easily make space for you, mum and dad would be appalled if they knew about your current living arrangement." Kyoutani affirmed his earlier statement. 

"But what about my own mother? I can't leave her alone with him when she's back on business trips" Yahaba fretted.

"I'm sure your mum wants what's best for you and while she's not home you aren't safe" Kyoutani repeated in an attempt to get through to Yahaba.

"I guess you're right" Yahaba whispered.

* * *

 

Yahaba had just got of the phone with his mother when Watari walked in with a very tired Hana.

"How'd it go?" Watari questioned as he let Hana off her lead.

"It went good, I'll tell you all about it when we walk home in a minute" Yahaba responded (as much as he'd love to stay around Kyoutani's all his essentials happen to be at Watari's at the moment).

"Get home safe guys" Kyoutani called from the kitchen, as he was making his lunch.

"We will!" Watari shouted from the front door.

* * *

 

"So, how'd it go?" Watari asked with curiosity evident in his voice.

"I told him about what happened, everything that has happened and all that jazz" Yahaba said with no real emotion lacing his voice.

"And how did he take it?" Watari (the curious as he should be known as) questioned.

"As well as anyone could take it, he did hug me which is quite un-kyoutani like" Yahaba shrugged.

"He probably didn't know any other way to comfort you, he was probably also shocked at how someone could treat someone so badly." Watari said.

"He also offered to let me stay at his house because there is more space" Yahaba said (and it felt more like he was dropping the biggest bombshell because he may or may not have a serious crush on Kyoutani).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its late!


	14. Time Goes By

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -As Yahaba turned around Kyoutani only saw red, the same shade of crimson that was running from Yahaba's nose-

Time did what time does best, it passed in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Weeks seemed more like days and during that time Yahaba became less like a guest at Kyoutani's house and more like a third child, with Kyoutani's parents asking him questions like 'how's school going?' or 'how'd your recent test go?'. To say that he felt accepted in that house was the biggest understatement of the century

To say he felt safe in that house was the biggest understatement of the century.  
  
The biggest difference between the two houses is that one is just a house, a set of rooms with a roof, the other was a home, a place where love thrives and hatred is either non-existent or directed at an opposing sports team (not at each other). One is where you feel safer on the street and have to barricade your bedroom door to feel a sense of safety in a building that would put a war zone too shame, the other is where you eat cookies while watching beauty and the beast with feet on someone's lap. One is where the slightest noise is a threat, a promise of violence, of bruises and at worse, death, and the other is a place where noise means peace, happiness and love.

It was a place that he could count on to not change in the whirlwind of an ever changing mess that is his life

* * *

All good things must come to an end, and Yahaba needs to get some things from home (you can only wear the same three outfits so many times). Kyoutani offered to go with him because he doesn't trust Yahaba's dad but Yahaba was stupid enough to say "no it's fine". 

The walk back to his house was filled with the same thought, repeated again and again: 'why I am I so stupid?'.

Every step: 'why am I so stupid?'.

Every inhale: 'why am I so stupid?'.

Every exhale: 'why am I so stupid?'.

He didn't make it passed the small park before he saw his dad, the alcoholic man that terrorises both his dreams and his life, the homophobic man with the gay son (talk about irony). He wishes that he wasn't related to the trash before him, if he can't make peace with the fact that his son is gay then Yahaba isn't going to make peace with the fact that that's his dad.

* * *

It didn't take long for him to notice Yahaba in front of him, it took him even less time to cross the short distant with evil intent. With a murderous glare and a drunken rage his fist met skin, guaranteed to leave a bruise. Another bruise to add to the dozens more littering his skin.

Why is he so stupid?

Why didn't he let Kyoutani come with him?

Why?

Why?

* * *

After an hour Kyoutani decided that he should go and look for Yahaba, it shouldn't take someone who lives a few minutes from his house an hour. 

So under the pretence that he was walking Hana he left to try and find Yahaba.

Best case scenario Yahaba was just taking his sweet time to get back.

He doesn't even want to think about the worst case scenario, it sends shivers down his spine.

* * *

The first thing he noticed when he got to the park was Yahaba's trade mark hair: the creampuff haircut. Kyoutani was so relieved, for a moment at least.

That moment didn't last too much longer as Yahaba turned around Kyoutani only saw red, the same shade of crimson that was running from Yahaba's nose, fuelled by the look of utter despair on Yahaba's perfect face.

The only thought in his head was 'WHO THE FUCK WOULD DO THAT TO HIM?!'. It wasn't long till Kyoutani noticed the swaying figure looming over a terrified Yahaba.

Before he knew it, his fist collided with the tall man's cheek, which earned him a bloodcurdling laugh. It did nothing to alleviate the pure anger built up in him (it's grew exponentially since Yahaba first woke up round his house screaming after a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep again, from the time when Yahaba involuntarily flinched when his father went to clap him on the back after the news that he did well on a test). In front of him is the man responsible for making his best friend's (and crush's) life a living hell, the man that thinks that another person's sexuality makes them lesser, the man who doesn't have a right to call himself a father. The collision of his fist and the trash's nose caused it to both break and start bleeding.

Kyoutani kept punching and punching and punching till he could physically see red, and his knuckles hurt quite a lot. Even though Yahaba's dad was just beaten up by someone much younger then him, he continued to laugh his bloodcurdling laugh.

When he turned to look at Yahaba he was pleased to see a small smile gracing his features as Hana continued to bark happily and lick Yahaba's hand.

* * *

A smile of hope graced his features.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to @Kentarou_San for helping me come up with the idea for Kyou beating the shit out of Yahaba's dad (p.s. pls read And This Song: For You, it's amazing 12/10 would recommend).


	15. How Dare He

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why am I not allowed to have a normal family?” He whispered as Kyoutani cleaned the dry blood from his nose.

How dare that bastard. How dare he raise his fists to HIS own flesh and blood! How dare he transform an innocent child into a terrified, paranoid teen. Make his home into a torture building. How dare he use somebody’s sexual orientation as a means to abuse them!

* * *

The walk back was filled with silence only being broken by the occasional bark from Hana, who was currently walking by Yahaba’s side.

It wasn’t until Kyoutani unlocked the door, that Yahaba started whimpering, smashing kyoutani’s heart into a thousand pieces and making him just want to turn around, find Yahaba’s father, and kill him.

How fucking dare he ruin Yahaba’s childhood! How dare he call himself a father!

Kyoutani doesn’t know how to comfort people, he knows how to calm Usagi but that doesn’t count, he lives with her. All he wants to do is take away all Yahaba’s problems, give him a loving family, a sense of normality, a home not just a house with no love. All he can do is be there as a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, someone that cares. He can do that at least. He can at least offer his home as a sort of shelter away from the abusive asshole that happens to be his father.

* * *

 Most days Yahaba doesn’t know what he did to deserve Kyoutani, but he will be forever grateful for everything he’s done for him. Instead of getting angry with him for waking him up, he asked him what was wrong over a mug of hot chocolate. Giving him a safe space, a space where he could be himself, negative feelings and all. Not treating him any different when he found the truth. Helping with homework, because sometimes the smallest things make the most difference.

“Why am I not allowed to have a normal family?” He whispered as Kyoutani cleaned the dry blood from his nose.

“Listen to me, that twat is not worth your time, and he shouldn’t even be allowed to call himself your father” Kyoutani said matter of factly while throwing away a bloodied tissue.

“I’m surprised your parents haven’t asked you if I’ll be going home at some point” He sighed, in reality he fears the day they ask why he refuses to go home.

“Yahaba, they aren’t stupid, they can see the bruises too.” Kyoutani added “You do know that you can tell them what’s happened and they will do their very best to help you”

“How’s that gonna sound ‘Hi Mr and Mrs Kyoutani I’ve been staying over because my dad likes to beat me up because I made the mistake of being born gay’. What if they don’t accept me?” He questioned.

“I’m sure if they can accept me being gay they’ll accept you being gay too” Kyoutani tried to prove that everything will be ok in the end.

“Could you tell them for me?” He asked with a pleading look in his eyes.

“I can do that” Kyoutani said with a soft, barely there smile.

* * *

It was just after 9 in evening when Mrs Kyoutani walked through the front door with Usa.

“Yaha-nii-chan!” Usa shouted while running up to him. When she got to him, she practically crushed him (well as much as a five year old can).

“Have you boys had any dinner?” Mrs kyoutani asked from the kitchen.

“We haven’t eaten yet mum, no” Kyoutani shouted from upstairs.

“What would you like for dinner dear?” She asked, as she exited the kitchen.

“I don’t mind” Yahaba said while playing with Usa.

“Yahaba… what happened? Who hit you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry this is so late !! 
> 
> (school's got in the way)


	16. Bitter Sweet Tastes and Foreign Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -The feeling of knowing you have someone who cares about you is a foreign one to Yahaba-

He remembers the first time he had a panic attack. He remembers not knowing what was happening as his heart beat at a mile per minute, he felt as if he was dying. The only things flooding his senses were the smell of cheap alcohol and a vile laugh, a laugh that stopped his smile from being as bright as it once was.

He was 10. When most children are having the time of their life; playing, making friends, he was curled up in his room scared to make a sound, silence became his safety blanket, alcohol became his trigger.

He never really felt accepted, his own home was more dangerous than the streets houses were designed to keep you safe from.

To have someone be genuinely worried about him was such a foreign concept, he forgot what it was like to have parental figure care about his well being. No one really questioned the bruises that littered his skin. No one knew they were there, nor did he feel like they cared.

* * *

 “Yahaba who hit you?” Mrs Kyoutani asked with what could only be described as a mother’s worry.

“Oh this I um walked into a street lamp” he knew if he looked at her he would be compelled to tell the truth (why do mothers have the ability to compel you to tell the truth).

“Honey, I wasn’t born yesterday. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me” She pleaded.

“Somebody hit me earlier” He murmured.

“Who, dear?” She pushed on.

“My dad” He whispered

“Oh my, come here” she said softly, outstretching her arms “You can stay here for as long as you need”

* * *

 He misses the childhood he was not allowed to have, the innocence he lost when the fists started flying, the safety net he lost when he came out. He misses having a parent (his own parent) he can turn to when he’s scared and alone.

He knows his mother is trying very hard to keep a roof over his head, he knows thats why she is never home. He knows she only wants the best for him but ‘best’ is a subjective term. ‘Best’ to him was reheating leftovers when his dad was ‘working’ late.

While he misses his early childhood, he is the happiest right now then he’s ever been in years, bruised nose and all. He is no longer living in the war zone that is his childhood home, with a demon that is his father. No, he’s living with actual angels (like seriously how is Usa, a 5 year old, such an angel. Last time he checked they were all hyperactive demon spawn), people who actually care even though they have no obligation too. They treat him more like their son then his own parents (one shouldn’t have the right to call himself his father, the other isn’t around long enough between business trips to parent).

The feeling is foreign, one he had almost forgotten, what with all the bruises. The foreign feeling leaves a bitter sweet taste in its wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is extremely late I apologise, school is quite draining at the moment.
> 
> But look a chapter!!
> 
> p.s. please read A Patch of Earth and a Free Falling Star by kentarou_san
> 
> It's amazing and I think it will end up being a really good read  
> It's currently got 4 chapters (2803 words) And 12/10 would recommend if you like tropes similar to this one (blue & purple), it's also kyouhaba.


	17. Memories And Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would have thought the Kyoutani, the mad dog, was such a softie? Here he is cheering him up after enough restless night, full of nightmares riddled with repressed memories.

It doesn’t matter how long he’s been here. It doesn’t stop the fear from creeping up on him at 1 am. It doesn’t stop him from waking up in cold sweats, hugging his pillow like its his only life line. Nor does it matter how many times Kyoutani has sat with him, calming him down, reminding him that his dad cannot get him here.

He wants to respond ‘not physically but he sure as hell can get me emotionally, psychologically’, he doesn’t.

He wants to stop the nightmares, he wants to be able to sleep through the night without waking up in cold sweats at varying times in the morning, he can’t.

* * *

He hates this. He hates how he can’t escape from his dad ( _ it’s ironic how they call ‘sleep’ rest, and a time of peace and quiet - yet the silence in the dead of night is deafening and it is most certainly not peaceful.  _ Yahaba thinks to himself). Yahaba isn’t even safe in his dreams, tonight it was him reliving his nights sleeping in the park, only to be dragged back home to the sounds of his parents arguing about him being gay, yesterday it was a rerun of the fight in the park, except this time his dad hit Kyoutani back. They aren’t even the most painful dreams because they are for the most part of his reality; the dreams that recall his early childhood memories, the ones where it’s christmas and the tree has a mountains of presents under it, and his parents are beaming at him, they were happy and he was a child, he was innocent, happy and loved. 

“Why can’t I have a break?” He wondered aloud.

“I don’t know, but hey we’ve got volleyball practice tomorrow for you to look forward to” Kyoutani stated, as he handed over a mug of hot chocolate “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I was 13 again and sleeping in a park” He said as he sipped his hot chocolate (he’d never say this to Kyoutani but he does make the best hot chocolates he’s ever tasted)

Kyoutani hummed in acknowledgment.

“It must have been winter time because I was so cold, I was sleeping in the park until I thought I could hear some shouting, as I sat up and started walking it got louder and louder. It kept getting louder till I walked to my own front door. My parents were arguing about me again and it was so scary” He said, looking down at his lap.

“You’re okay, you are safe. No one can hurt you here”

 

_ No one can hurt you here _

 

“I’m not kidding Yahaba, this house is a safe place, nobody in these four walls will ever hurt you. Ok tell a lie, Hana might nip at your heels but she doesn’t count because she’s a puppy”  That brought a (small) smile to Yahaba’s face.

Who would have thought the Kyoutani, the mad dog, was such a softie? Here he is cheering him up after enough restless night, full of nightmares riddled with repressed memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nearly a month late BUT hey! I updated it!!


	18. A Year On - They are healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yahaba reflects on the past year and has high hopes for his (and Kyoutani's) future.

 

After much convincing that his father was actually abusive and he, in fact, should be held accountable for his appalling behaviour, Yahaba went to the police and started the gruelling process of getting his father a criminal record - it helped that his lawyer was Kyoutani’s dad.

It wasn’t pleasant by any stretch of the meaning, having to live and relive the atrocities he had faced at the hand of his father in a drunken rage was far from easy, it resurfaced many repressed memories, how when he was younger he thought that was normal for a parent - if they get drunk they could get violent, it was easier to blame it on alcohol but deep down he knew (or at least believed) it was his fault. That quickly changed when he was around Watari’s apartment and his mother got drunk and was a happy drunk (his small mind was shocked - they existed?). 

He and Kyoutani became closer over the year - he was there for every panic-induced nightmare and fear-induced panic attack, a rock that grounded him reminding him that life will get better, that his dad may haunt him but that will fade to a distant, albeit painful, memory. He didn’t believe that the emotional scares did not exist.

He only visits ‘home’ when his mother is there and only ever when his dad is at work, even then he has to go with Kyoutani. After awhile his mother thought it would be better that she visit the Kyoutani household (when she meet Kyoutani’s parents more than a few tears were shed - she was so happy that someone was looking after her baby boy when she was busy at work, but she was so sad that her baby boy had to find comfort from others as his own family was devoid of comfort.)

On a lighter note he found a small part-time job so he could get some pocket money and treat himself and kyoutani occasionally (he had offered to buy his food so he could save the Kyoutani’s some money but that idea was shot down quickly - they told him that while he is a child under their roof they will treat him as such and to not be a fool, use your money to buy sweets and comics and enjoy being young).

He was also more then shocked when Oikawa told him he would be passing the mantle of captain to him, he and Kyoutani shared a long hug that may or may not have ended in a slightly awkward first kiss for the both (though they both thought it could have been one of the best first kisses anyone could ever have).

However the highlight of his year would most definitely be when he upgraded from sleeping in his cheap bed to Kyoutani’s (and no they didn’t ‘sleep together’ in that sense - it was very innocent and the best sleep either of them had), that day was the best end he hopes that it will be the beginning of a very happy life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so how was it? i apologize for leaving it so long without updating !!


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